I am fucking crazy. But I am free.

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“I was in the winter of my life- and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell sleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour and memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times. I was a singer, not a very popular one, who once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet- but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again- sparkling and broken. But I really didn’t mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had been living- they asked me why. But there’s no use in talking to people who have a home, they have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lay your head.

I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me that I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing me due north, no fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide as wavering as the ocean. And if I said that I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying- because I was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one- who belonged to everyone, who had nothing- who wanted everything with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about- and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people- and finally I did- on the open road. We have nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore- except to make our lives into a work of art.

Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.’

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Musing

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Musing

Life imitates art which imitates life which imitates light. And shades of darkness. Yes.

An adage which has inspired artists, musicians and creatives the world over.

I wonder sometimes who pens the scripts for our lives.

Is it decided on some predetermined, unconscious action in our past? Do we apply Newton’s law of physics? Or is it possible that everything which happens, connected or unconnected , could ACTUALLY just be by chance. A fluke of the Universe of sorts.

So because of this side belief I have that some things are purely co-incidental, I have adopted the “Optimize The Situation” mind set. Find yourself in a particularly awkward space, use it to your advantage. Whether you need to be blasé or in your face about it, assess which angle would suit the situation best and get into character. A milder version of faking it till you make it.

Be on your shit.